People who communicate their likes and dislikes to their partners during sex are more sexually satisfied. Talking about your sexual needs and desires is not always easy; you might find yourself feeling awkward the first couple times. Many people feel that having sex is easier than talking about sex, but less apprehension about sexual communication is linked to higher sexual satisfaction.
These guidelines can help you overcome your fear of “private speaking” when communicating with your partner during sex.
- Be Crystal Clear: Clarity is essential for establishing boundaries in bed where you don’t want your lover to misunderstand you or your desires. Your lover is not a mind reader, although during such intimate moments, you might feel like your partner should know exactly what you want. Just talk it through and be thorough. Talking about sex during sex is essential for having a healthy and fun sex life.
- Show and Tell: Being demonstrative is a fantastic way to communicate during sex and can inspire confidence in your partner. Nonverbal cues are an excellent way of communicating during sex, and might come more naturally. Moaning, body movements, and facial expressions that indicate pleasure can direct a partner to doing more of the things you find sexually enjoyable.
- Talk Dirty: There are ways to talk dirty without sounding corny, or like you’re starring in a porno. Dirty talk can be “naughty fun”. Words can be a powerful aphrodisiac. To talk dirty without feeling foolish, be genuine and have fun.
- Feel Free to Say “No” Or “Stop” Or “That Hurts” at Any Time: The fundamental principle for communicating consent during sex is to acknowledge that no one but you is responsible for expressing your sexual wants. In other words, your first partner is yourself. Know what you want, and understand that your wants can and might change, and that’s OK.
Here is a technique for practicing sexual communication. First, have your partner take your hand and move their finger in a circular direction around your palm. Then, tell them one thing you like and want them to keep doing (I like the pressure) and one thing you want them to do differently (I would like you to go slower). Now use this same technique during a sexual encounter and see if it enhances your sexual pleasure.
People are totally allowed to change their minds about sexual activities at any time, because consent is not a contract. So, never ever feel bad about telling your partner to stop if you find yourself in an uncomfortable sexual situation. Not only is this type of communication vital to your sex life, it will help keep your self-esteem intact.