Sometimes you just start making love because you’re kissing and snuggling, and it’s not clear WHO initiated. It just happened. But quite often we get into this rut where he wants sex more than you do, and so he’s the one who always initiates making love.
The truth is that men want to be wanted too. For men sex communicates love and acceptance, while a lack of sex communicates the opposite. So, ladies, how do you initiate sex?
1.Show Enthusiasm: Initiating sex requires enthusiasm. If you’re going to initiate, the first step is NOT telling him “do you want to?” The first step is getting in the right frame of mind for sex so that you’re enthusiastic about it, too!
- Don´t Be Embarrassed: If you grew up thinking that only boys wanted sex, and girls just acquiesced, then you may think that it’s your role to sit back and just respond to him. But the truth is that girls DO want sex! God gave us sex drives, too. And inside marriage sex is supposed to be a wonderful thing for both of you!
Think about it this way: This is the only man on earth who can touch you like that. He’s the only man on earth who really truly knows you. You don’t need to be embarrassed around him.
- Don´t Beat Around the Bush: If you’re too embarrassed to be that direct, or if you’re embarrassed about saying, “do you want to make love tonight?”, then you may not give clear enough signals, but remember, men are usually afraid of getting rejected, and if he tends to have the higher sex drive in your marriage, he may have conditioned himself to never think about it, or to try not to assume you’re going somewhere, because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Subtlety, then, isn’t a good thing. Be obvious. It’s easier on everyone!
- Be Creative and Seductive: Initiating sex can start earlier in the day. You can text him at work (“You’re in for it tonight!”). You can get dressed in your “pretty” underwear, and let him see, and say something like, “so this is what I’ll be wearing all day today….” If a thought occurs to you, do it! Chances are it’s a good thought, and most guys won’t laugh at you. They’ll go with it!
- Have Fun and Be Active: Once you’ve caught his attention, and you’re heading to the bedroom, don’t let the initiation end. Be active as you make love, and don’t forget to have fun. It’s okay to smile, and chuckle, and be giggly. It’s okay to act like teenagers. It doesn’t have to be super serious. You can joke around, you can flirt with your husband! It really is okay. And the more laughter, the more fun all around. Also touch him. Guide his hand. Be the aggressor–at least a little bit. Find a good position yourself. Get on top even! When you’re active, it shows him, “I want to do this.” If you lie there on your back and don’t do much, he may think, “she’s just doing this for me.” Show him you are interested, and you do want this to happen–by making it happen!
Small changes now can add up to big changes in the long run.