Do you want to develop your self-awareness and emotional intelligence?

Get control of your emotional states and your thinking, this is where to begin.

  1. Whenever You Are Struggling, Stop Looking Outside Of You For The Answers And Start Looking Within. 

It’s very tempting and easy when experiencing a struggle to look outside of yourself and assign blame. Know right now, as tempting as it is, blame is simply a defense mechanism and a disempowering one at that. Why? Because blame is the displacement of responsibility. Blame, in a nutshell, is saying “I am not responsible for this problem; you are.” When we blame, we get to psychologically displace the responsibility of the problem (and all of the displeasing emotions that with it) on to someone or something else.

This would be handy if reality, other people, and the world readily solved your problems for you. But if that were the case you wouldn’t have the problem in the first place. Which seems neat, except that you also wouldn’t be the decider and the one in control of your life, the rest of the world would be. Can you see the disempowerment in that?

 

  1. Bring Your Awareness To The Massive Part You Play In Your Emotional Reality

It may be factual that someone or something has done something that has impacted you in a way that you weren’t expecting, potentially even in a way that has cost you. That will probably happen to you in life, and you will likely need to take appropriate action. No getting away from that. However, any emotional misgivings on top of those situations (frustration, anger, anxiety, etc.) – that part is extra, and a product of you – not the environment.

How is it a product of you? Notice that every emotion comes with very particular thinking. To do anxiety, you must think of a future where everything turns out in a dreadful way. To do frustration, you must compare what happened with how you much better you imagine and expected it could have happened. These are just two examples, and note the common thread in both – they require your imagination and very particular use of it. Nobody feels anxiety when considering what the best outcome would be and how to get their hands on it. 

So a key question to ask in any struggle you are experiencing is this “How am I facilitating this outcome/struggle that I am experiencing?”. If you are feeling an emotion that is unresourceful for you “how am I doing this? What thoughts, what movie on the inside am I playing right now to produce this emotion?”. 

Think of this as eliciting your strategy for producing the emotions you are feeling. And when you have this strategy check out step 3.

 

  1. Discover The WHY Behind Your Existing Paradigms. What Is The Purpose Behind The Way You Are Currently Thinking?

If you find yourself thinking thoughts that are creating an unresourceful emotional reality for you in a given situation, ask yourself this. What is the positive intention (purpose) behind these thoughts/beliefs? What is this thinking trying to do for me?
 

  1. Your Thinking Is Only As Useful As It Allows You To Get Where You Want To Go – Where Is Yours Leading You? Is This Where You Want To Go?

If you know how you are producing your emotions, and why you are thinking in the way that is producing them (e.g. prepare and do a good job), you get to ask fundamental question. Is the strategy that I am running (the thoughts that I am thinking) getting me the result (the positive intention) that I wanted? 

  1. Realize That What You Think Isn’t Real, It’s Conceptual, And There Are Infinite Ways To Interpret Reality

If you arrive at the point where you realize that your thinking is not getting you where you want to be, and instead might even be producing some unresourceful emotional reality, relax. Thinking is as changeable as your clothes. If your current paradigms don’t fit you can always change them, as long as you realize this essential distinction. What you think isn’t real in the first place, it never was.

Your minds sole function is to conceptualize i.e. to create concepts and conceive your experience, and there are infinite ways to do that. Don’t believe me? Watch a movie in a crowded cinema, and at the end, one hundred people will leave with one hundred different opinions about that movie. 

Our unique capacity as human beings is to use our imagination in inventive ways – we can do this to our great benefit, and to our unfortunate detriment. You can envision a future that contains all of the things you most want in the world and a pathway to get there – we call that motivation. You can also envision a future that contains all of the things you most want to avoid in the world and imagine all paths as leading there – we call that despair. 

The good news is that how you use your imagination and what thoughts you choose to run with is up to you. So now you get to ask…